Wishful Thinking
by Romanoma
Summary: Valentines day should be all about love. And for Yami, that is precisely what it is, only that love comes at a price [Light Yami x Yuugi]


Bit late for Valentines Day, but I don't care. It's been sitting on my computer for about 18 months, but I've never really been that fond of it. And then I read it again and sort of liked it!

PG- 13….12A…whichever is your preference. Its another short one. Im lazy.

_**Wishful Thinking**_

It's amazing what wishful thinking can do.

I watch the sun rise each and every morning, wondering if it's going to be the last I ever see, wondering if I'll ever get the chance, find the courage to tell you just how much you mean to me. Just how much I pine for you. Just how much I need you.

Just how much I love you.

Only this particular morning, on a day which I've learnt is a celebration of love and unity, the only thought that encompasses my mind is that, for the first time in this new life of mine, I'm happy. I know my life is never out of danger. I know I'm hunted. Watched. Plotted against. I know, until I rid the world of its evils I…_we _can never truly be safe.

But right now, as Ra's searing radiance filters into the room from the great beyond, I'm at peace. The contentment that has thus eluded me has infiltrated the darkness of my mind and allowed me to break free from thoughts of shadow and gloom, setting me high in the sky where the light shines brightest and I bask in it's glory and smile.

I hear a stirring to my left and turn my head to the source, laughing gently to see you sprawled in a star shape, mouth hanging open, overcome with sleep and dreams, that innocent expression on your face, so childish and filled with exuberance and glee. Your strength gives me the will to live.

_/ Very elegant / _I muse, wondering if you'll hear me. You snort, eyes flickering open, and stare up at me dazedly, trying to remember where you are and who I am.

"You're awake?" you mumble, still lying in the same position. I sit beside you, nodding curtly before my gaze returns to the window. Don't you realise I never sleep when you do…I have to watch over you. An angel that never rests. I am no angel. But on my honour my eyes will never leave you.

"I was watching the sun rise," I explain, brow furrowing slightly to realise its almost risen.

"It's sunrise?" you exclaim, clambering _through_ my lap in your haste to get to the window. I feel your hands straight through me, warm, and I shudder. Your fingers clutch the window sill; face shining with delight, "I hardly ever get to see the sun rise! It's so beautiful, isn't it!

"Hai," I reply softly, closing my eyes. For some reason I feel sleepy.

I open them again to see you standing before me; hair tussled from a night's restless tossing and turning, staring at me with a distant, pensive visage and a smile gracing your delicate features that for some reason, unknown to me, I simply can't decipher.

"Yami," you murmur, voice barely a whisper. I cock my head to the right, waiting for you to continue and you do so with naught but a blush, averting your gaze which had been so fixedly held on mine. I wish I could touch you. I wish I could hold you. "It's Valentines Day today, you know."

I'm not sure what you're trying to imply or hint at, if anything. Usually you come right out with things, if they're not embarrassing for you – in which case you flush the usual shade of crimson and trail off, finding something to occupy your fingers with- at the moment being the hem of your pyjamas.

I wait patiently.

"I didn't get you anything but…" you begin, halting to see me arch a questioning eyebrow.

"_B_ut?"I say, folding my arms, hiding my amusement.

You have no idea how beautiful you look at this moment. Sometimes you make me want to scream. The pounding of a heart in my head, a heart that shouldn't even exist, drives me wild. How would you react if I professed everything to you right now? Would you reject me? I doubt you would - you'd probably let me have my way with you just so you didn't hurt my feelings. You'd let me tangle my hands in your hair, let me love you like no other, let me touch you, kiss you, undress you. You'd let me make love to you in the shadow of night, crying out your name in heat-filled passion and devotion…

But I couldn't live with myself, knowing you didn't want any of it. Far too many things have come between where we are now – too many things have come between where we _should _be and sometimes a chance comes once and only once. I've been given a second life. A second _chance!_

You're shuffling your feet, rubbing your left arm nervously. Is something wrong?

"Aibou?" I say and you look up at me, eyes wide, "but what?"

You were hoping I'd forgotten you were going to say something. I never forget anything about you. Never.

"I love you," you say softly, giving me a lop-sided grin, a look of relief on your face. I reach to caress your face. My hands go straight through you as I expected, but the gesture counts and you sigh, looking appreciative.

"I know, aibou," I say, retracting my hand, wishing for some miracle that will allow me just-one-kiss. You look doubtful all of a sudden, as if you don't entirely understand something, "I love you too."

"How much?" you say, and I frown, trying to decide what you mean, "I mean…in what way…exactly…do you love me?"

Have some of my thoughts leaked to you? Have you guessed already, or are you just incredibly perceptive. I've noticed myself that the looks I give you are highly questionable sometimes so perhaps you've noticed them too. Don't hate me for loving you in this way, dear one, please forgive me.

"Yugi…" I begin seriously, but I'm cut off when I see the tear on your cheek, my heart wrenching because I can't brush it away. You always look so beautiful when you cry, be it sinful or not to think such a thing, "I love you like nothing else on this earth."

I feel the weight lift from your mind, but you don't cease crying. Why? How have I upset you? Maybe this is too much for both of us.

"Why are you crying?" I ask, subconsciously letting him know I'd hold him if I could. Oh! If only I could. He wipes his own tears away with the cuffs of his sleeves which cover his hand and bites his bottom lip timidly.

"Do you think you could ever be whole – I mean…ever be solid?" you ask, amethyst eyes lifting to meet mine. You have such a striking gaze. I almost lose my footing every time it settles on mine.

"Perhaps one day," I reply softly. There's always hope, isn't there? Always hope so long as the sun's last ray shines. "I can't predict the future little one, but…I believe that one day I might be."

"…one day when you have to leave me," you say, releasing a soft sob. A familiar knot clenches in my stomach and I avert my gaze, wondering if that was the truth. I'd rather be a spirit forever than become a solid entity if I could just stay with you forever.

"I'll never leave you." My words are resolute, filled with conviction and the same determination that urges me to protect you, but I don't know if the words are truth or not. Given the choice I would not leave you, but I've rarely been given options to choose from in my existence. The thought that I might one day by separated from you makes tears spring to my eyes; you see them, you reach a hand towards my face only to find it merge with the hazy, mist-like form you're used to seeing.

When your head lowers miserably, the knot in my stomach tightens. What cruel torture is this, to give me this beautiful sweetling; not be able to hold him when his world crashes down? Neither Seth nor Anubis would be so spiteful.

"I'm sorry." A whisper meets your ears, but you continue to examine the floor, your fingers curled into the collar of your pyjamas.

"It isn't fair," you reply, a shuddering breath escaping you. I nod in agreement. Poor little one. If only.

"Sleep, _aibou_, sleep." I gesture towards your tussled bed clothes, persuading you with my eyes to do as I say. You nod, and slip beneath the covers, dragging them up to your neck. The corners of your lips twitch to see me smiling and you close your eyes again. I'm sad to see sparkling amethyst slip into darkness, but I know, so long as I'm near you, I'll see it again.

Kneeling beside your bed, I fold my arms against the mattress, balancing my head upon them to watch you. So pretty when you sleep. Lips slightly parted. Delicate blond hair framing a face of angels. I let my own eyes close, feeling that familiar tug that pulls me into my soul room.

My own room has never been desirable. At once I cross the corridor to yours. The door is open wide…wide like it's never been before. I step over the threshold, eyes roving over the toys and games littered across the floor, and there _you _are, lost in sleepy wonderland, curled up in a blanket upon a carpet of pillows. I've never been in your soul room before. I've never dared enter it.

There's a smile on your face as you slumber. I lower to my knees before slumping onto my side, careful not to disturb you. Your face is inches from mine. So many thoughts and questions run through my head. Curiosity. Curiosity. Mesmerized, I tilt my head, leaning ever closer.

How is it that I feel your breath against my cheek? How is it that I can feel your warmth?

…Dare I?

Just one kiss I asked. Just one.

Your lips are warm. So tender and warm. My heart races, it beats for you alone.

You do not wake. I pull back to see you slumber on; you never felt a thing.

So desperate and fragile am I…but it was just one kiss. Just one.


End file.
